Its been a really long time since I wrote something for myself. I guess its simply because I have, in all this time, pretty much forgotten myself. I don't know where I am and exactly where I am going. Things have changed. In fact a lot has changed. And now I feel I have come too far to look back, detach and assess as to exactly where I am. I have somewhere lost perspective on whatever I am or have right now simply because the person I was at one point of time, I am no more that.
If in the middle of your race, your starting point and your end point is suddenly altered, you basically don't know where you were or where you headed. I feel the same way I think. Its been far too long I looked at myself realistically and asked myself if I really wanted this, all this while. Don't know if its too late. Don't know if its better late than never either. This constant feeling of wanting to step out, walk out, be alone, be very very alone keeps lingering at the back of my mind. Its so tempting to just deal with nothing...not even myself...maybe because its the toughest thing to do. Dealing with my idiosyncratic self is perhaps the most challenging part of living this life.
Writing relives pain. Its like a medicine that slowly takes effect with every line you write and by the time you are those few hundred words down, the medicine works perfectly well that numbs every single nerve in your system. Its such brilliance indeed. It needed no invention by scientists, no discoveries by the wise men and no thesis by the philosophers...simply because we all shared this common drug forever...some know of it...some don't. For some it works instantly and for some it takes time.
After a while...its all...numb.
So this blog is probably my drug. Every time I am on it, I'll be taking my daily dose of numbness. This dose is slowly taking effect. Till next time...
If in the middle of your race, your starting point and your end point is suddenly altered, you basically don't know where you were or where you headed. I feel the same way I think. Its been far too long I looked at myself realistically and asked myself if I really wanted this, all this while. Don't know if its too late. Don't know if its better late than never either. This constant feeling of wanting to step out, walk out, be alone, be very very alone keeps lingering at the back of my mind. Its so tempting to just deal with nothing...not even myself...maybe because its the toughest thing to do. Dealing with my idiosyncratic self is perhaps the most challenging part of living this life.
Writing relives pain. Its like a medicine that slowly takes effect with every line you write and by the time you are those few hundred words down, the medicine works perfectly well that numbs every single nerve in your system. Its such brilliance indeed. It needed no invention by scientists, no discoveries by the wise men and no thesis by the philosophers...simply because we all shared this common drug forever...some know of it...some don't. For some it works instantly and for some it takes time.
After a while...its all...numb.
So this blog is probably my drug. Every time I am on it, I'll be taking my daily dose of numbness. This dose is slowly taking effect. Till next time...
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